If I Could Just Have A Moment More

My Contribution to Madison Woods’ Friday Fictioneers community.


If I Could Just Have A Moment More by Elise

The white arches looked like bones supporting grand wings. Lofty heights and imagined places of faraway made the man smile. He sat quietly in the back of the atrium on a small bench, unnoticed. He clutched the brief case in his hands tighter and continued to wait. The sun was beautiful today. Everything was; every sweet breath of air was a painful reminder.

tick tock tick tock

The brief case was shaking in his arms. He thought of his wife, and her relentless optimism. If only she was…No. He had to focus.

His cell phone began to ring.

Tick toc–

end

Hey, I need help on my homework. If you have a tattoo please click ‘read more’ and answer a few questions. 

1. Where on you is your tattoo? How was the pain?
2. Have you ever had a moment when you regret it?
3. What size is it?
4. Did your tattoo take more than one session? Was it color or size?
5. Did someone go with you?
6. Was there anything that really stuck with you when you got your ink? A thought, a moment, something someone said?
7. How long did you wait to get your tattoo? Did you have the image picked out for awhile?
8. (Optional) What is it and how significant is it to you?

Thank you for answering. I’m writing a story on tattoo’s for my short fiction class. As I am so far un-inked I’m getting a sense from all my friends on their experience.

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17 thoughts on “If I Could Just Have A Moment More

  1. I really liked that. Nice mix of drama and tension. Personally, I feel like this guy is up to no good. But my mind tends to lean that way most of the time! 🙂

    Wonderfully written!

    • Thank you for the favorite and kind words! I left it vague because I just wan’t sure myself. I think he *might* be paying off kidnappers, or at least doing their dirty work.

  2. Beautiful wording, elisarae! I love the vagueness too. Quite well done indeed.

    Also – just so you know, I’ve moved the blog over to a more “professional” atmosphere, so if you’d still like to be my follower, follow this one – http://kelliedoherty.wordpress.com/ – instead. I’m going to be deleting Snowed in Scribe next week so not to confuse people.

  3. I was ready to dive for cover before the last “toc” when the story ended. Like John, I had not considered the blackmail payoff alternative. Good job of letting the reader come to their own conclusions.

  4. Very good. I love of the mystery of it. The tension through the 100 words (exactly – I like that too!) continues past the end. The implied stuff: his (late?) wife, the bomb – if it’s ticking, what’s the phone call? – all these things do not need explanation. Also, I liked very much your opening two sentences. Terrific story.

  5. What is this man upto! And if only his wife was what??
    This is just the right snippet to tease a passive onlooker to pick the book and take it with him! 🙂

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